A Turks Fic
by Nimmy
Summary: A day in the life of the Turks, after the meteor incident. Extremely mad. :)


Reno's big day!

  
by Nimmy 

a bright, sunny afternoon, Reno and Elena were walking to the Turtle's Paradise pub in Wutai ( they had moved there after the meteor thing ) when Elena suddenly jumped and gasped.   
"Reno!! We forgot! The company want us to find Cloud and co. today!! Come on, we have to report to Tseng!!" Elena started panicking.   
Reno sighed and placed a calming hand on Elena's shoulder, who was near to hyper-ventilating. "Elena... Shinra is long gone. The company doesn't exist anymore... we may still be Turks, bu there is no Shinra! We are never on duty now, see?"   
Elena shook her head insistantly. "Rufus wants us in the Shinra corporate building in 1O minutes! Let's go!!!" she ran off in the direction of the Da-chao.   
A puff of smoke appeared, and with it was Tseng. "Hey there Reno!" Reno stared at Tseng for a minute.   
"Errm, ...weren't you supposed to be dead or something?"  
"Yeah, but since at least 2 people have been resurrected in these damn fics, I don't see why I should be left out! I'm a Turks!"  
Reno half nodded."So, like, do we still have a job then?" he asked. "She seems to think so..." he pointed in the direction of a quite insane Elena, who was barking orders at one of the large fingers of the Da-chao statue.  
Tseng pondered for a moment before answering. "Well kind of... We still act like Turks, you know, being cool, referring to "the company", telling people we're off duty and so-on. That way, we will maintain the people's fear and respect." A loogey landed in Tseng's hair from one of thebalconies above them. "See?" he said. "They're actually drooling in fear!"   
Reno blinked in revulsion and then flicked his hair casually, as he always did. At that precise moment, a fashionable man with a camera walked past, then came back and ran up to Reno.  
"Young man!!" he panted. "That was so stylish just now! What's your name, lovey?"  
Reno shrugged at Tseng, who was proudly parading the phlegm in his hair to anyone who passed by.  
"Reno..." he replied to theman. "why do you ask? and who are you?"  
The man grinned and bowed. "The names Seifer Almasy. Pleased to meet you!" Reno raised an eyebrow.  
There's something about this guy..."  
"Yeah, definately... plus, he looks like Rufus..."  
"You called?" Another puff of smoke, but this time Rufus appeared.  
"Mr President!!" Tseng exclaimed, and fell to his knees in a half grovel.  
"Now, now, Tseng, we both know that Shinra doesn't exist any more, so you don't have to do that. Although it does boost my morale, I'll tell you that!" Rufus patted Tseng on the head. Seifer grew impatient, ad his face took on a pouting expression.  
"Come on, lovey!" he said to Reno. "You've got a photo shoot in 2O minutes!" He grabbed Reno's wrist and started running towards a suspicious-looking airship.   
"Photo shoot?!" Reno gasped as he was pulled along. "What photo shoot?!"  
Seifer stopped and tutted. "Lovey! Didn't you notice I have a camera? And that I told you that you were stylish?" Reno shook his wrist free. "I'll tell you what I did notice! I noticed you keep calling me lovey, and I also noticed you're a " Reno was interrupted in mid-setence by a large explosion followed by a fairly large puff of smoke, which was then followed by the appearance of Vincent Valentine. "Hello." said Vincent.  
Suddenly, Tseng and Rufus ran up to them. "Hey!" shouted Rufus. "How come you get such a big entrance?" Seifer giggled like a school girl at that comment and was promptly booted in the family jewels by Vincent, who then turned to face Rufus.  
"Several reasons, your presidentship," Vincent explained. Suddenly, a tangled mass of limbs fell from the sky, it was in fact Rude brawling with three angry beachplugs (a lot of "suddenly"s in this fic), and Rude wasn't winning.  
"Grraargh!" Rude growled as the mangle of Rude and beachplugs rolled across the turf.  
Elena came running up and dived onto the pile of beachplugs, screaming "Don't you attack a Turks! You're gonna pay, beachplug!" Tseng and Rufus looked at eachother for a minute, then shrugged and dived onto the pile, punching anything that was underneath them. Vincent rolled his eyes and cast fire-all on the fighting Turks, Rufus and beachplugs. Reno and Seifer (whose voice was now an octave higher) looked at the burnt mess, then at Vincent,then back at the burnt pile of people and beachplugs.  
"Sorry about that," said Vincent. "but you weren't paying attention to what I was telling you. As I was saying, I get a big boom because the authoress likes me, plus, I'm cool. Understand?"  
The beachplugs hissed in agreement. Vincent walked over to the pile, and picked one up. "Awww, they're not so bad! I think I'll name this one Steve Austin." He lifted the beachplug above his head and tickled it. "Hehehe... who's a bionic little beachplug then?"   
"Brrrllleichhh!!" hissed the beachplug, wrapping a little tentacle around Vincent's wrist.   
"Awwwww!!!" Elena cooed. "I'm gonna have one too!" She bent down and picked up a very small beachplug. "Her names Michelle! She's so cute..." Michelle thebeachplug settled comfortably in Elena's arms.  
Rufus flung his arms into the air. "What the hell! I'll have one as well!" Rufus picked up the last beachplug and stroked it. "Since this is quite a big fellow(which it was), I'll name it Heffer. Hewwow, Heffer!!" Heffer didn't take too kindly to baby talk, and biffed Rufus in the face with a large tentacle, Rufus crashed to the ground with a thump. Heffer scurried away, free at last.  
As all watched Heffer become a small dot on the horizon, Reno suddenly realised something. "Hey!!!" he shouted. "This fic is caled Reno's big day, isn't it?"   
"I think so..." said Vincent.  
"Then what's so big about what just happened? Is the writer flippin' drunk or somethin?" Suddenly,the sky darkened, and a voice boomed from out of nowhere. "Do you have a problem with me, Reno?" asked the voice, which belonged to Nimmy the writer of this story.   
"Umm, uh, ...n-no madam!!" Reno stammered. "I would never question your, um... masterpieces!! We truly worship your talent!" Reno groveled on the floor. The sky grew a little lighter. "Hmmm," boomed Nimmy. "thats better... Now move it! I have to end the story!" A hand came out of nowhere, and patted Vincent on the head. "See? I told you she likes me!" He said. The presense dissapeared. "Phew.." gasped Reno. "Hey, lets go to Reno's photo shoot!" Elena said, jiggling Michelle up and down. "Reeeeeichh!!!" squealed Michelle. "I'd forgotten about that..." said Vincent, absently curling Steve Austin's tentacles.  
"Wheres Seifer?" Reno asked.(sound of crickets chirping) Reno looked eastward, and saw the airship he was being pulled towards earlier. "Maybe he's in there!" Tseng nodded. "Yeah, maybe! Come on, Rude, lets go!" He and Reno ran over to it. Tseng banged on the door. "Hellooo, Seifer!" A loud creaking noise could be heard, then all of a sudden, the airship seemed to keel over backwards. "What the...!! A cardboard cut out!!!" Tseng exclaimed. Sure enough, the airship was a cardboard cutout propped up with a little scaffolding behind it. "This is one seriously screwed up story!!" Rufus said, shaking his head.   
"I warned you people!!!" Nimmy shouted from the heavens. "Prepare to be punished!" Large fireballs suddenly rained down from the sky, setting Tsengs hair alight. "Aaaaargh!!" Tseng screamed, running around in circles. Vincent cast "shield" on all of them, and put a wet cloth over Tseng's hair.   
"Vincent, you ever thought of being a nurse?" Elena giggled. Vincent just stared at her, and she shut up.   
"You may want to know why your hair set alight when no one elses did," he said to Tseng, who nodded sadly. "Well," Vincent continued. "you know we were standing under the turtle's paradise balcony before? When you got spat on,"   
"Drooled in fear on," Tseng corrected.  
Vincent shrugged. "Same difference, any way, the phlegm must have contained alcohol from when whoever it came from was drinking in the pub. You see? Everyone knows that alcohol is extremely flammable."  
There was a long pause before everyone, including Michelle and Steve Austin, were applauding Vincent fervently. Vincent bowed demurely and accepted a bunch of flowers someone gave him.  
"And a scientist too..." Elena sighed.  
The authoress' voice came once again. "Look, guys... I can't think how to end this, plus I'm really tired, so I'm just gonna fade it to black."  
Reno shook his fist at the sky. "You haven't got the guts!" he yelled.  
The sky turned black, and all was consumed by darkness.  
"I can't believe she did that..." 

Reno's big day! A very strange fic


End file.
